“Lights On”
Night two of sleeping with the lights on! In my wildest dreams I never thought I, Krista, would sleep with lights on….I always loved the dark…I just couldn’t even stand to be in that room with the lights off for even a second last night…But my landlords have been great – they stayed in a room downstairs the last two nights to be with me and there is a 24 hour security guard outside the building…I felt bad b/c my landlords had called me around 7pm to see if I wanted them to stay for the night and I told her not to worry about me – I know that they have been through hell and back themselves these last few days and have had very very little sleep…But come 9pm I was just a wreck – I couldn’t sleep – even with the lights on…So, I called her and she said they were on their way! Really are great people and I just don’t even know what they must be going through with all this…They spent so much time and energy and love building this building – they wanted it to be perfect, wanted things to go well…And the very night of their celebration party this happened to me…I know they are as heartbroken as I am over this. And I know this has put a gigantic dent into their excitement over the building and it’s future. I feel horrible for them.
Yesterday mornings practice just wasn’t possible for me…I made it through but didn’t do backbends as my body was sooo tight and I couldn’t face the discomfort of it at all…So I went into the locker room and simply laid down in Shavasana. I came back to the apartment and showered and waited for my landlords to wake up. When they did I asked them if I could move into the unit next to mine – I just can’t stay in this unit – not now or in the future…They told me that wouldn’t be a problem but it will be a few days b/c it is not yet completed…Needs to get one more coat of paint, more rods on all windows, a little work in the bathroom and some other misc. things. I should be able to switch to it on Wednesday morning. A few minutes later Ramesh came to my apartment and told me they were no longer going to require that people take a unit for a whole year. They realized that it is more important that there be people in each unit at all times and if that meant more work on their part by having to get tenants more frequently – than so be it. I told him that was a good idea! Then I asked him if he had insurance on this building in the event of robbery or accidents…He said no! Then I explained to him that I need some time to decide if I indeed can or even want to take a unit for an entire year. I had given him a check for the entire year last week and I told him he had a choice of either notifying his bank not to process the check or me telling my bank to stop process of that check. He said he didn’t even know if they had deposited it in the bank yet – but would find out and if they had he would stop process of it to allow me a week to decide what I wanted to do. He seemed crest fallen that I even brought this up – but he knows it is only right for him to give me some time to figure out what I want to do. And I also explained to him that the physical loss of my computer was a huge financial issue for me – the computer itself was expensive, as were the many software programs I had on it – but the largest of the losses was the five months of HARD work and data I had stored in the computer – that was irreplaceable and priceless…I also explained that I now had no idea when I would be returning to Mysore next year – If I were able to next year…I explained that I already knew, when I took the space for the year, that I would be losing at least three months of rent as no one would be occupying the space, but that it had been worth it to me at the time b/c it gave me a safe place to store my things, and I thought it would be a very safe place to live….And then there was the issue of my friend who’s coming in December. I haven’t contacted her yet but I have NO IDEA if she will want to rent my space after I tell her what has happened – and I told him I would be telling her b/c that would be very wrong to keep this from her. He seemed more and more depressed with each word I uttered from my mouth – but he knew it all needed to be said! I left soon after to make my way to Anu’s Internet Café and take care of some emails and what not…Spoke to Ganesh and Anu for a bit and, as always, they make me feel better…Super awesome people they are! Around 11am Ramesh called me to meet him at the apartment so I could go to the police station…Once we got there I had to look at six of the workers in person…It was pretty pointless b/c they were all about the exact height of this intruder, all super skinny, and all had short hair – and that is all I have to identify this guy…It was just too dark and I never got a view of his face. They took all these guys fingerprints, but again I think it’s pretty pointless at this point b/c they only got prints on the glass table ‘near’ where my computer was taken – who knows if this guy ever touched that table. Said they could not get prints on the two dirty handprints in my apartment that were most definitely from the intruder – b/c the prints were on walls….Whatever…But I have to go back to the station tomorrow to take a look at the rest of the workers. When we got back to the apartment I had a very gratifying talk with Ramesh and the architect. In front of them both I told them I needed some answers. I asked the architect why the glass frame wasn’t put in my apartment when I moved in…Blame this and that and the other he did..I looked at him and explained that he was responsible for this building, its construction and completion. He told me one guy had gone off with that frame to polish the wood and he never brought it back so that ‘the other’ guy could install it properly. I asked why didn’t someone make sure to get it back and put it in properly knowing I was moving in…He said there was just so much going on that day getting ready for the party…He said these workers would not take the time to go fetch some piece of wooden frame and make sure it was put in its place. I told him I understand that – that was HIS JOB…He had no excuse for me that made any sense whatsoever…He commented that the building simply wasn’t ready…Then I asked him why! I asked him why wasn’t it ready when it was supposed to be…He said not enough time…I asked him why he told Ramesh it would be ready by the 10th of November and it was far from complete. He told me he didn’t give Ramesh that date – Ramesh told him it had to be completed by that date and he did the best he could. I asked, “How does this work here in India?” – I asked him if he gives his clients dates for their projects – he walked around that question quite a bit…I then explained that I needed some answers and PEOPLE needed to take some responsibility for things that went wrong – I told him, in front of Ramesh, that Ramesh was in the wrong for telling me this place would be ready on the 10th – Ramesh was wrong for allowing me to move in on the 11th when this place wasn’t finished, Ramesh was in the wrong for assuring me I’d be safe to sleep here that night when the window frame still wasn’t finished by the end of the work day Saturday….I was in the wrong for moving my things in on the 11th when the window frame wasn’t yet put in – and in the wrong for staying here when it still wasn’t finished that night….AND he was in the wrong for not having completed the building on the given date, he was in the wrong for not making sure my unit was complete on the 11th b/c he knew weeks in advance that I would be moving in there, he was in the wrong for not making sure his workers did their job to get it finished, he was in the wrong for not personally ensuring things were done properly and that I was safe in this new building…He didn’t seem to really get the point – When Ramesh told him I wanted to switch units he seemed confused as he had just put in the glass frame yesterday in my current place. Ramesh told him I wasn’t comfortable there – I told him I couldn’t stay there…He told me it was in my head – it would take a few days to get over…I explained that I would not now or in the future reside in this apartment…Then he told me he would make the new unit perfect for me and add tons of extra safety (in addition to extra rods on the windows he would add a huge bolt across my front door, he would totally change the bathroom windows so they are secure, he would add a gate by the steps so no one could enter without a key….) and he told me b/c I was the first tenant he wanted to make sure everything was done the way I wanted….Still didn’t get my point. I told him I wasn’t trying to be difficult but these are things that should have been done before – they should have been done before I moved in here on Saturday – that was my point….My point was WHY WEREN’T these things done before?????????????????????????? It was quite obvious that he just didn’t get it and that he just didn’t want to take any real responsibility for any of this mess. Then, I asked him if he had a daughter…He said, “Yes!” So I asked him “If I were your daughter and I were moving into this new building alone, would you have made sure my apartment was completely finished and very safe?” His eyes and mouth dropped a bit – he said “Yes I would have!” I said, “OK” and walked back to my apartment. A few moments later he and Ramesh came to my door. The architect told me he would be sure they got a dog to sit out with the guard at all hours of the day for added security…He even told me he would make sure there was someone to sleep outside of my apartment door at night if I wanted…..I almost laughed – he still didn’t get the point….I told him that would not be necessary – and that “none of this would have been necessary had my apartment been completed when I moved in…Then none of this would have happened and I wouldn’t feel totally unsafe in this building! That is my point – and I want people to start taking some responsibility for all this!!!” I repeated that I wasn’t trying to be difficult but if this had to happen than we all better learn from this – I said I knew I had. Then I asked the architect and Ramesh if they had… “Oh most definitely,” they said. I said good – then learn from this and make sure that every single unit in this building, not just mine, is very safe in every possible way – make sure the building itself is very safe…Make sure you don’t ever allow this type of thing to ever happen again in any building you construct…Think about the people to come after me… “If I had to experience this than I want a lot to be gained from it by all!!!” Soon after they let me be I ran a few errands in town and then made my way to the gym….I was there about an hour and a half but even there I felt different and couldn’t really enjoy it…It felt good to release some of my tension there and I did succeed in wearing myself out – but I didn’t have the usual happy feeling I get after a workout…I left the gym, grabbed the daily paper and headed back to the apartment. Got home and showered and made a bite to eat, and then I found the little column the police had requested be posted in the Indian Express. “Laptop stolen from foreigner – An intruder stole a laptop from the house of a foreigner in Gokulam III stage on Sunday. The lady has lodged a complaint with the police mentioning details of the laptop. The police have alerted traders to identify anyone approaching them to sell the same and inform them.” Soon after dinner, I made my way to my bedroom with the hopes of falling asleep easily….Not a chance…Took forever to fall asleep – especially with the freaking lights on – but there simply wasn’t any other way for me to even try to close my eyes last night…Very restless sleep throughout the night – woke up at 10pm, 10:30pm, 12:00am, 1:30am, and finally got up for good at 3am…Just couldn’t take it anymore. So I got up and turned on all the lights in my apartment and did some stretches and took a shower…Then came 4:40am – time to head to the shala. Again, damnit, I couldn’t open the fucking door to my apartment….OHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…I stood there looking out the window – hearing every single noise for miles around – mind running wild….Then, after a quick pep talk – I unbolted the locks, and fiercely swung the door open….I looked around outside and all was clear….But as I rushed to close the door and lock it I was shaking b/c my back was turned and I didn’t like not being able to see my surroundings. Finally, door closed and locked I sprinted down the stairs to the gate…Said good morning to the security guard and made my way to the shala. Funny thing is that once I am outta that building I’m fine – still have no issues with walking in the streets in the total dark at that time of morning – go figure! I got to the shala and waited with everyone else. Soon after me Pam arrived and she came to sit with me. She said she was really sorry to hear what happened – Ganesh had told her. We spoke for a minute and I changed the subject to her and Jake – they leave on Thursday ;( She told me their plans and then she thanked me again for all my help getting her website together – I really didn’t do much to help her but I appreciated the kind words. Then she handed me a little envelope and said, “This is for you!” I told her thank you as we were walking in the shala. I didn’t want to open it till after practice so I put it in my bag and made my way to my mat. I dedicated my practice to my daddy today – as I usually do – but really spent a few moments sorta talking to him in my head… “Since it’s already been established that I am crazy, might as well let you all know I do talk to myself 
” Anyway, I thanked him for protecting me as he always has and always does. I believe from the depths of my soul that I wasn’t hurt or raped or killed by this intruder b/c my daddy was watching over me…So I let him know that I knew and that I appreciate him and feel him near me and dedicate this mornings practice to him! And then I lifted my arms and began my first sun salutation. My practice was really quite good today…My body still feels really strange to me – and I know its totally b/c I have a ton of tension in every inch of my body – but it feels really strange nonetheless…But, even with a body full of yucky tension, I managed to really enjoy practice. Focus will most definitely take some time to regain fully as I was a bit all over the place, and the breath and bandhas were not at all together – but I did keep coming back to them whenever I realized I’d lost them….Since my hips are uber tight right now Eka Pada is a total mess on my right side. So Saraswati came over and adjusted me in it – oh it felt so lovely…And she stood next to me as I did my left side and then did Dwi Pada…Then I came into backbends…When I stood up from backbends she told me to try Yoganidrasana tomorrow!!! I was definitely not expecting Saraswati to say that to me then… “OK!” So she helped me with my dropbacks and then I went to the locker room to finish my practice. When I laid down in Shavasana I felt so comfy and safe in the shala….So much so it seems, I fell asleep When I woke up the previously empty locker room with filled with other female yogis closing out… “Gosh how long was I asleep?” I wondered…I got up and walked into the shala to see the clock: “I slept for thirty minutes!” Hum, glad to have finally gotten a little peaceful sleep! I gave my respects to Saraswati and Guruji, went outside and drank my two morning coconuts, and then made my way back to the apartment. I got home and made myself a nice cup of morning Chai – YUMMY!!! I turned on my landlords laptop to check my email (she is so kind – she has brought me her laptop to use for the time being – she said until we get mine back – but I don’t think she means that or else she’s just given me a rather nice Toshiba!)…Just moments later she came up to my door and asked me how I slept last night. I told her it was a sort of rough night but it’s alright – told her I know I’ll be fine in a few days…I asked her how she slept and she said much better than the last few nights. Said that its been hard the past few nights but last night was pretty good – said her daughter is still having a bit of a time though – her daughter is a teenager and she is a pretty strong young lady – my landlord said she’s never been scared about going into any room or anything but now she wants her mom to enter rooms before her…I almost started to cry – I never imagined it would affect her children too – not like this….
November 14th, 2006 at 7:45 am
I am so sorry for what happened! I am sure it should be very difficult feel secure in that house again! let me know if I can be any help.
ahu
November 14th, 2006 at 2:59 pm
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. At our last house, that we owned, we had a break in and another time they stole our car. It’s a complete violation, even without the knowledge that they were standing over your bed! You are living in a place with extreme poverty and poverty makes people desperate. They probably look at the yoga students as people with wealth and means, not as people who scrimp and save to get by!
I do have to say as far as construction goes, they are never done on time. This I know as a fact from growing up with my parents building their own homes(3X), and our complete remodel of our own. I can only imagine that it would be the same there(or worse), that it is here.
Anyway, so sorry! Good luck on you journey.
November 15th, 2006 at 2:48 am
We do admit that we (Indians) are poor, uncivilized, uneducated people.
But we do take pride in talking our language, paying heed to our traditions and cultures. (maybe you were ignorant enough to assume English was our national language since we were colonized for 4 centuries!)
So before you abuse us, spare a thought for your own people from the country you come from, who are racists (been so since ages and still are !), war-mongers, sex-maniacs, money-minded, (the list could go on .. but you get the idea) despite being the so-called ‘highly educated and civilized’ class on the planet.
Please never come back to Mysore.
Namaste
P.S: Sorry for your Laptop !